Sunday, May 13, 2012

What Makes A Mother?







 
 

May 13th 2012
~ Mother's Day ~
~ Evan's 9 month angelversary ~

     ~9 Months~This month has been difficult, and today was hard.  My son would be nine months old now.  Nine months that I carried him in my womb with anticipation of what was to come.  Nine months that I have lived without my son in my arms... anticipating a heavenly reunion to come.  As the school year winds down to a close, I should be looking forward to spending lazy summer days with him.  
     ~Mother's Day~Am I really a mother?  I didn't get to bring him home.  I haven't changed his diaper.  I haven't gotten up in the middle of the night to feed him.  I haven't stayed awake all night caring for a sick child.  I haven't taken him for doctor's check-ups or laid on the floor with him playing peek-a-boo or pat-a-cake.  I haven't given him a bath, or rocked him to sleep. I didn't get to sing him songs, or take him for walks.  But I did the best I knew how to do while I carried him.  I prayed for him, talked to him, read stories to him, so many other things.  I am a mother who carried my baby to full term, went through labor and delivery, and had to let him go. 
     I am a mother whose biggest priority for my son was to know and love God, and have a personal relationship with our Lord Jesus Christ.  I made a promise to my son in the hospital.  I told him that I would have taught him to trust in God at ALL times, even during difficult circumstances.  I promised Evan that I would continue to do exactly that, even during this, the most difficult thing I've ever had to face.  I am a mother who keeps my promises to my son.  I am a mother who thinks about my son every day, and continues to pray for him even though he is already Home.  I am a mother who loves my son.
      Thank you to my husband for all you did to make this day special for me, even though our precious Evan couldn't be here with us.  Thank you to everyone who said, "Happy Mother's Day" to me, and remembered me as a mother, even though my son isn't here with me.   My dear friend, Linda, presented me with a beautiful handmade Mother's Day card (with a butterfly on the front), and a corsage when we arrived at church this morning, and I got to worship with some amazing friends today, Kindy & Corey, that I met through Evan.  James and I went out to lunch at Lazlo's and didn't even have to wait for a table to be ready.  We went miniature golfing and they even let me golf for free.  After that, we went home to pick up our "other child" Wriggley and we all went out to the cemetery to place decorations out at Evan's grave.  The hardest part of my day was leaving the cemetery after we visited Evan.  I did NOT want to leave!!!  We stopped by each of our mother's houses, and then came home to eat dinner.  James grilled hamburgers and we enjoyed a quiet evening out on the patio.  Finally, another dear friend, Ashley, and her family, came over to wish me a happy mother's day.  I may not understand everything that God has willed for my life, but I do know that I am truly blessed to have so many amazing people in my life. 

 (Saw this poem on my facebook grief support group and it made me cry!  Had to share!)
"The Busiest Day In Heaven"

It's the busiest day in Heaven
I'm planning a big surprise
To let you know I love you
And that no one ever dies

Even though your down below
And I am up above
I'm sending you my wishes
... And all my angel love

It's really quite exciting
To plan this big event
For lots of gifts will come your way
And all are Heaven sent

First I'll take a bubble bath-
My splashes might cause some rain
But knowing all the fun I'm having
Will help to ease your pain

Next I'll get some pictures
In my halo and gown
So when you get to Heaven
You can show me all around

I have color crayons in Heaven
And I will draw some stars so bright
And place them in the sky today
For you to see tonight

Then Jesus will have story time
And I will sit upon his lap
He'll tell me all about you
Just before I nap

I'll awake full of energy
And play a game or two
Before I finish sending
All my love to you

At night time I'll be tired
But I'll still hold you tight
My arms will wrap around you
And keep you through the night

As you drift slowly to sleep
I will whisper in your ear
I love you mummy 
Happy Mother's Day
 


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